Cheese bread

Yes. I will. For whatever it's worth now, I'll fight.

***

That night. :) I hope there will be more times like that.

And I hope you were happy, dearest.

"Yey, you're really going to buy a cup of hot chocolate for me? Yay!", my friend Raine softly exclaims in glee; that will be her fifth cup of Figaro merchandise sold (even though somebody else actually did the brewing and all that). She asks me to buy such because she needs to fill her quota of 10 cups of coffee slash any Figaro beverage. We then exchange stories while she drives the white car, now bearing no scars of an accident that happened months ago.

She finally parks the car near the cafe. She puts the gear in reverse; I ask her if it's easier to park facing the wall or the other way around (I do not know how to call or describe it). She answers the latter; "It's easier than you might think," my friend says.

We both enter the cafe premises. For some reason, I feel apprehensive, somewhat wary. There's a slight change in the pace of my heartbeat. It's natural when I enter the building - it's because I tremble either at the sight of a very special friend, or someone who looks eerily sinister. Anyway, Raine and I go to the counter.

"Kuya, isang order po ng hot chocolate, yung small po. Ipangalan nyo na lang po sa kanya," I tell the man on the Figaro stall, to Raine's delight. We go to the table directly in front of the stall. In about 5 minutes, my hot chocolate's in front of me. "They're pretty fast, or maybe it's just because there are few people here," I mused to myself while shifting my focus from the face of my friend to the small cup of hot choco. I stir the contents listlessly. There goes my 75 pesos.

"5 minutes, then I'll leave," I tell Raine. It's hard for these types of beverage to cool down that quickly, but at least a little less warmth will help my delicate taste buds. I take a sip - it's still too hot, I feel that searing feeling in my mouth and it's not pleasant at all. One's going to feel it for at least an hour. I kill those 5 minutes stirring - and stirring - and the occasional, painful sip.

The clock reads 3:47:29. "I have to go. Thank you for the ride," I told her, with a slight grin on my face. "See you whenever."

I now walk to the building of my next class. It's about Creative Non-fiction, some idea that I'm only beginning to grasp on. Then I pass by a throng of kids who just had their last class - and are giddy to see those mobile food stalls and yellow school services outside their small, cozy campus. I continue to take very little sips on the cup. The hot chocolate still hurts, and I can still feel the warmth of the cup's exterior.

There are now a few spots of brown on the small yellow-and-white Figaro container. My face is still listless. I look to my left, and suddenly my eyebrows sink - and I know it's not good when you can't control that sinking movement. My face, far from the apathy I displayed, is now in a snarl.

The cup doesn't feel so warm anymore. Not when you want to feel compassion for a poor misguided soul but is overcome by a far stronger feeling - of retribution, of denial, of unfulfilled potential, of hearts broken, of wings clipped, or of a combination of all these.

I just caught sight of your face, and my inner peace is gone, all of a sudden. It's unfair, but, what the heck, I don't care now. Damn you.

I have never really felt the contour, the terrain of her gentle hands. From the outside, hers would look like any other hand. The only difference (and it's not really a defining factor at all) is that she sometimes has the occasional brown leather watch on her left wrist. Other than that, those pair of hands are fair-skinned. Nothing really stands out.

Take out a camera and aim it on her. More often than not, she will do the Korean pose, or you can also call it the peace sign. Whatever that is. On the occasions she doesn't do that sign, she will hold her hands together, as if to say "Not for the taking right now." (Which is another aspect of her hands' delicate beauty, however, that's another story). But outside the lens of the camera, she uses her hands to...cook and slice and dice, because she's a Hotel, Restaurant and Institution Management major. When day turns to night, she would use them to turn pages of her Daily Bread and the Bible, and write down her thoughts and feelings on her Snoopy notebook. At the end of the day, it's usually clasped in prayer - and maybe, it's also clasped while she sleeps and dreams.

The playground is no Heaven. There are no rainbows, there are no gardens, there are no angels prancing around. Instead, you see kids going up and down on the swing. Some go on the monkey bars, while other toddlers are on the see-saws, taking turns going to the top and reaching for the sky. But, even with its seeming lack of exoticism, it still is unique - because in today's generation, fewer and fewer kids run to the playground and interact with their fellows. You would find them on a computer shop. You would find them on the couch, in front of the TV.

Dearest, why do you always seem to have some tiny ballpen marks on your hand? I know it sounds strange, and it happens to every one of us but... Well. It just looks so strangely cute on you.

You answered me with, "What? Of course there will be marks on my hand. They are not as pristine as you think it might be."

Una sa lahat, dalawang bagay muna.

Yung una, nagpasya kong laruin yung iPod game na nasa Livejournal ko ngayon lang. Ang nakakatawa dun, nung lumitaw yung tanong na, "What song will they play at your funeral?", ang lumabas ay yung kanta ni Usher. Guess what.

Isa, dalawa, tatlo.

Baka may naisip na kayo. At, oo, sa mga nakatama, congrats sa inyo. "Yeah!" "Yeah!" Oo, yun yung kanta. At ang nakakatawa pa (o masaklap), pangalawang beses na yun lumabas. Tatawanan lang ba ako kapag nawala na ako? 'wag. Di pa oras para pag-isipan yan. Laro lang naman yun eh. O baka pagpapahiwatig na yun?

Alis na tayo dun sa topic na yun. Puno na ang mundo ng mga emo, di na ako dadagdag, kamusta naman. Ang pangalawa, bakit ako nagsusulat ng Tagalog eh Ingles yung title ko? Pagbigyan nyo na ako. 'eto yung tinatawag nilang spur-of-the-moment events eh. Kesa naman ipagpilitan ko pang English-in yung sasabihin ko.

Tama na ang intellectual masturbation, ika nga ng boss ko ngayon. Alam nyo ba yung feeling na sobrang puno na ng jeep tapos ipagsisiksikan ka pa ng barker, sasabihin nila, "Isa pa! Isa pa!" Tapos ni di na masalo ng uupuan mo yung pwet mo. Nakakairita, di ba? Kung sasabihin ko sa Ingles 'to, 'eto yun: the bench can't even catch the tip of my ass. Gustung-gusto mo na sabihin kay Kuya barker na "subukan mo ngang umupo dito at ng malaman mo kung ano ang pakiramdam ng huling pasaherong sumasakay sa mga jeep nyo." Eh kasi naman nakakainis talaga eh. Wala man lang consideration. Oo, alam naman naming mga "minamahal" nyong pasahero na kailangan nyo talaga yung kikitain nyo. Kaso lang, minsan manhid na kung manhid eh. Di ba extended rin sa inyo yung "customer's always right"  na rule? Or baka akala ko lang yun.

Basta. Nakakainis.

di ako tinag pero it looks like fun haha

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 20 friends (make me #21 so I can see your results).
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!
**********
IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
you found me, by the fray

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
no air, by boyce avenue

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
broken, by lifehouse

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
i promise, by stacie orrico

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
sana'y maulit muli, by kyla and gary v.

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
destiny, by jim brickman

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
mad, by ne-yo

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
warning, by incubus

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
black balloon, by the googoo dolls

WHAT IS 2+2?
river flows in you, by yiruma

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
if i never see your face again, by maroon 5 and rihanna

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
the little things, by colbie caillat

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
love song, by sara bareilles

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
bring it all back, by s club 7

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
sukob na, by 17:28

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
yeah! by usher amf hahahahaha

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
unmei no haguruma, from the rurouni kenshin soundtrack

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
love song for no one, by john mayer

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
warriors' suite, from the rurouni kenshin soundtrack

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
omigod you guys, from the legally blonde the musical soundtrack

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
apologize, by boyce avenue

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
stay (i missed you), by lisa loeb

• payment
• clothes and toiletries
• Bible
• notebook and pen
• CHIPS
• COLORED PENS
• SCRAPBOOK MATERIALS (i.e. colored/fancy paper, scissors, glitter, designs, glue, etc.)

Kindly text me at 0927-586-0340 or leave a comment here to confirm your attendance. Also, let me know if you can bring transpo. :)

Thank you very much! I hope to see you there. :)

-Gia

"So...

The only thing left is my heart.

...I have nothing to fear."

Yah. I realized I forgot what I told myself two months ago.

Ayoko na maging emo.

I have been so quick to forget things that I said. Oh. Thank you, dear friend.

And just for good measure, I listened to a certain song three times in a span of fifteen minutes. I just had to remind myself - and hard...

"It's hard to believe that I couldn't see, you were always here beside me. Thought I was alone, with no one to hold, but you were always right beside me... So good to be seen, so good to be heard, don't have to say a word; so long I was lost, so good to be found, I'm loving having you around."

Wait. Let's replace the small-letter yous there with big-letter yous. Like, You? Yes, Kuya Jess. You were always right beside me.

I remembered my Mom. I have to hold on.

And, call me (insert word here) but I also conjured up an image of the princess.

If there had been a death caused by these two factors, I would have been dead a long time ago.

But then I have to remember, Kuya Jess is above all. :)

***

Shocks sana di tamaan yung PC ko ng virus. Worm. Whatever it is.

Mga Kadahilanan
Marc Emanuel Lalas

Sa ilalim ng ilaw na nagbibigay-liwanag
Sa gabi, ang mga mata ko ay nagpapabihag
Sa mga librong naglalarawan ng kasiyahan.
Ngunit ika'y wala; bakit, bakit ika'y lumisan?

At ngayon, heto ako, hindi na ikaw ang hanap,
Kundi ang mga dahilan ng iyong pagkawala.
Sana'y naihabol ko ang isang mumunting sulyap.
Sana, ika'y manatili sa aking alaala.

Aking kalungkutan ay sadyang di ko maikubli,
Pero ako'y nagdarasal, sana'y hindi mawala,
Pag-ibig sa'yo, pati na rin ang pananatili,
Kasiyahang nadarama 'pag ikaw ay kasama.

'Di ko man malaman ang dahilan ng 'yong pag-alis,
Masaya na ako, kahit na ang tangan ko na lang,
Ang pag-asa na hindi na kailanman maglillihis
Ating landas, at ang puso na para sa'yo lamang.

(To my long-awaited literary Muse. I welcome you back. ;) )

• payment
• clothes and toiletries
• Bible
• notebook and pen
• CHIPS
• COLORED PENS
• SCRAPBOOK MATERIALS (i.e. colored/fancy paper, scissors, glitter, designs, glue, etc.)

Kindly text me at 0927-586-0340 or leave a comment here to confirm your attendance. Also, let me know if you can bring transpo. :)

Thank you very much! I hope to see you there. :)

-Gia

...

Confused. That's all.

Why, of all times? Right now, my being seems to be floating, not knowing what to do next.

***

I shall bear the pressure wholeheartedly.

Sorry na if I want to bear all the weight of this endeavor on myself. Ayaw ko lang madamay yung ibang tao should it fail. Gusto ko, if it fails, sa akin lang ang blame.

Pero I'll let you know na I'll do whatever it takes.

As in, whatever talaga.

For the first time in a long while, I found joy while studying. Baka naman kasi natatamaan ako sa binabasa kong piece pero still, it's one baby step forward.

"The boundless grief is too heavy to bear...but crushing truths perish from being acknowledged. Thus, Oedipus at the outset obeys fate without knowing it. But from the moment he knows, his tragedy begins. Yet at the same time, blind and desperate, he realizes that the only bond linking him to the world is the cool hand of a girl. Then a tremendous remark rings out, "Despite so many ordeals, my advanced age and the nobility of my soul make me conclude all is well."- The Myth of Sisyphus, Albert Camus

You remind me of hope, hope which makes me cling on to life and love and career because I have so much to do, I have so much to accomplish.

He reminds me of humility, He, Kuya Jess, told me that the reason why I have been so lethargic is because of my complacency which stems from an exceedingly high sense of confidence on myself.

Sa lahat ng mga nagtiis sa mga sunud-sunod na rant ko sa Multiply blog ko, salamat.

At sa'yo, na kausap ko kagabi (actually, kachat sa YM), salamat at nailabas ko ang lahat-lahat. Salamat talaga. Kahit ilang ulit pa kita pasalamatan, hindi ko pa rin mapapantayan ang kabaitan na nasa iyo.

My emotion-less face stares at the monitor, remembering your words.

Mind over matter, Ruby...

...is the key to a temporary escape. Laughter is the best medicine? pwede pa. Pero escapism pa rin eh.

Gusto ko na lang tumawa.

Sabi ko na nga ba eh.

Ang dami kong nadivulge kagabi sa'yo. Nakakaasar. I still have a long ways to go. It's fine, though it's also frustrating na I had to discover, no recognize this all at this time.

When you're too happy, you're bound to go down. Eventually, sooner or later, slowly, but surely, inevitably.

But in this case, I'm willing to take the fall.

If that's what it takes.